We always aim to give constructive, truthful feedback at the end of the day. We are aware when we share that a child has had some ‘thinking time’, it can often worry parents. Therefore, I though it’d be useful to share exactly what ‘Thinking Time’ looks like at Karibu.
As I’m sure you know, children push boundaries and this is totally normal (although incredibly frustrating at times!). Children need to do this to establish where the boundaries are and they will continue to do this throughout life. Children feel more safe when consistent boundaries are in place and we try very hard at Karibu to establish these across the day. We are aware that we have very high expectations of the children and are proud that they are so brilliantly behaved.
When we are out and about, we often have lovely comments from people in the community about how happy and well behaved the children are. We are likely to have different expectations to you at home as managing a small group of children on a 1:3 ratio is different to several adults managing one or two children at home.
‘Thinking Time’
In a nutshell, children have three ‘warnings’ before they have some ‘thinking time’ which consists of them being asked to sit down, removed from the situation, with the sand timer for a few minutes to ‘think’ about what they could do when the timer has finished. It may look like this…
Billy is running inside.
Adult - “Walking please. We walk inside at Karibu.”
Billy then runs again.
Adult - “Billy, remember to walk. Walking keeps everyone safe at Karibu. If I have to speak to you about walking again you’ll have to have some ‘thinking time’.”
Billy then runs again.
Adult - “Ok Billy, you’ve chosen to run even though we’ve asked you not to. Come with me, you need to have some ‘thinking time’.” The adult would get an age appropriate sand timer and take the child to a quiet corner and ask the child to sit quietly and think about what they will do next. When the timer has finished the adult will talk to the child about expectations in an age appropriate manner.
We tend to introduce ‘thinking time’ to children when they are nearing two years of age. We use their age to determine which sand timer we use. For example, a 2 year old may just have a 2 minute timer, a 3 year old may have a 3 minute timer. During this time, we would not make eye contact or give any attention to the child. We will often make a point of praising children that are making the right choice to reinforce what we expect. “Well done for walking inside Peter”. “Lovely sitting on the sofa Jenny”.
Using positive language
We always state what we want the children to do, as opposed to what they are doing. If they are jumping on the sofa, we would state what we want the children to do by saying “Sit on the sofa, please”. Young children latch onto key words, as opposed to full sentences, so it’s important to maximise the chances of them hearing a positive word. Therefore, we wouldn’t say “Stop jumping on the sofa” as they might focus on the word ‘jumping’. Other examples include -
Instead of “Stop running”, we would say “Walk please”.
Instead of “Stop shouting”, we would say “Use a quiet voice inside please”.
Obviously the amount of language we use varies from child to child and increases in complexity as the child gets older.
We wouldn’t bore a 1 year old who is running inside with why they should walk but for a three or four year old, we would introduce talking about the risks involved in running. For example, “I need you to walk inside to stay safe.”
Once they have had ‘thinking time’ and all reflection has been done, it is no longer talked about. They have had their consequence. Afterwards we treat them as if nothing has happened. It’s important that the children know that it is the behaviour that isn’t acceptable, not them. If however, the children repeat the same action, the cycle would start again. Three warnings, then ‘thinking time’.
Following through on what we say
As the children spend time with several adults during the day, we are very proactive about communicating with each other and sharing what we are observing. If an adult reminds a child about expectations, they will share this with the other adults. For example, “Matt, the next time anyone has to remind Delilah to walk inside, she knows she will have some ‘thinking time.” This eradicates that chances of children ‘playing adults off each other’ and the child then hears that other adults are aware.
Even from a young age, as soon as they know they can get away with more when in the presence of a certain adult, that adult will attract most of the challenging behaviour!
From an adults point of view, it really is hard to follow through with consequences, and it’s always tempting to give them another chance, then another etc. However, when a child builds that trust with you and they know they will have some ‘thinking time’ (or another consequence) if you have to ask them three times to do something, chances are, you’ll only ever have to ask them one or twice to do something! When you stay ‘stop’ or ‘no’, they know you actually mean it.
By not following through on your given word, children will often learn to ask and ask and ask about a request, knowing that eventually the adult may crack (with frustration) and change their mind. This gives a signal to the child that if they ask and ask and ask, they will eventually get what they want. They are not doing this maliciously, they have just learnt, through no fault of their own, that if they continue to ask, they get their own way.
I hope this helps to explain how and why we do what we do at Karibu. Receiving feedback at the end of the day that your child had has some ‘thinking time’, is nothing to worry about. If it was happening several times a day for many weeks in a row, we would arrange to have a more formal discussion. To give your children the very best possible start, we increase our expectations of the children as they get older and always aim to give useful, honest feedback at the end of the day.
If you are finding any particular part of your child’s behaviour a challenge to manage at home, then do please share it with us and we will share with you how we would deal with the same scenario at Karibu. You are welcome to use what we do at Karibu at home and you can access a blog on how we use sand timers on the blog page. You will also find links on where to buy them from.
If you have any questions regarding this, please do just ask.
Many thanks,
Simon Jay